So There Was This Boy....

There once was this boy. I met him when I was in 8th grade through a mutual friend that we both had. It didn't take long at all for the two of us to become instant friends and shortly after that, I called him my best friend. He was there for me through absolutely everything. If we weren't together then we were texting each other, if we weren't texting each other, we were usually on our way to hang out at a mutual friend's house. He was there for me whenever I needed to vent, when I needed to cry, when I wanted to share great news or when I just wanted to see him. He listened to all of the stupid high school drama that I had in my life and he talked to me about girls. I literally loved this boy like he was my own brother. I trusted him with my life and every single detail that came with it.

Our friendship was going wonderfully until the first few months of my senior year.  Honestly, to this very day even, I couldn't pinpoint the exact time that it started to fall apart or why, but I do know that it was long and painful and was caused by a mix of DOZENS of things! There was A LOT of miss communication, rumors floating from different sets of friends and loads of other things that can affect a friendship. Eventually, it got down to us not even acknowledging each other's presence. If you were to see the two of us on any given day, you NEVER EVER would have guessed the past that we had together. He said things that were awful and hurtful, as did I. We fought, hated, glared and everything else you can think of. The rest of my senior year was spent without him.

Many, Many months later, he texted me and asked if we could talk. I wasn't too keen on the idea because I had erased him from everything in my life, and I mean EVERYTHING. I deleted him from facebook, my phone, took down all our pictures together, untagged myself from all our pictures together on FB, everything! I just figured it would be easier that way to accept that we weren't friends anymore. I told him that I had a pretty busy weekend but I'd let him know if I had some time. In April of that year, my sister and I changed our cell phone service so we got completely new phones, numbers and providers. We received our phones in the mail and I activated mine immediately. While I was on the phone with my old provider to tell them that I wanted to cancel our account, I got a text message. I hung up the phone and looked at the text and it was him, asking if he could come over. I thought to myself "Good hell, that was perfect timing!" and said that it was fine to come over. We sat on my front porch and talked for a good hour and a half. Ok, there were definitely more tears (from me) and awkward silences (from both of us) than there was talking but he did talk some of it out. Eventually, he had to leave. He said he was sorry, hugged me and I haven't seen him since.

I would be lying to myself if I said I don't ever think about when we were friends. I would still be lying to myself if I said that I don't miss him from time to time. If I had the choice, however, I would NEVER go back and change what happened. Yeah, it hurt like HELL and there were a lot of tears shed on my part over the whole situation but he definitely taught me a few lessons. When he left me, it completely ruined my trust for the longest time, which has definitely affected me up here at school. Making new friends TERRIFIES me because in the back of my mind I sit and think, "Ok... so when is she going to leave?" Or "How long will he stick around?" It's taken me an extremely long time to get to where I am now! Yes, I am still a work in progress but I'm a lot farther than where I used to be!
One of the things he said to me has stuck with me since then. It's irrelevant what he said (mainly because it was heartbreaking and cut me incredibly deep) but it made me take a step back and look at my life. It made me realize the qualities that I want in my friend's and how I deserve to have people love and appreciate me the way that I am. Through him, I have come to learn that it's not about the quantity of friends as opposed to the quality of them! Thanks to him, I have found some of the world's best friends who I would willingly give my life for! They are my everything and I honestly would be so lost without them!

I don't know if you will ever read this or if we will ever speak again, but I just want you to know that I hope you are truly happy with your life. I honestly hope that football has been going wonderfully for you, you are such an amazing player! I wish you all the happiness this world has to offer. I hope that someday we can speak again or maybe even be friends again. I have absolutely no hard feelings toward you anymore and I hope that that can be reciprocated toward me! Good luck with everything and here's to your future :)

The whole purpose of this post is all due to my New Year's Resolution.... I made it my goal to get rid of all the negative or hurtful influences or memories. I resolved to get rid of all the sadness that I possibly could so I could live my life the way I want to, full of happiness. I can honestly say now, that I am truly happy. I have gotten this off my chest and I will let whatever happens because of it, happen :) Come what may and LOVE it!