Mom and Dad

Ever since I left my small town Heber 3 years ago, I have realized something very important.... I am utterly and completely obsessed and in love with my parents. When I moved away and had to do everything on my own, I noticed how much I absolutely missed them and how much they actually did for me. I miss everything from having a curfew and having to check in to running my siblings around town to soccer games and church activities. In light of missing them so much, I'd like to take a few minutes to brag about them... and tell them how much I appreciate them! So here goes....

Mom:

My mother is absolutely beautiful. She knows everything there is to know about being a mother. She can clean up after sick kids in the middle of the night without getting sick herself. She plays chauffeur to everyone in my family so she is constantly on the go. She can tell if there is something on my mind that I need to talk about with a simple text message. She isn't unappreciated although appreciation may not be shown to her on a daily basis. She taught me to drive in her own truck, regardless of all the grey hairs that I caused. She is one of the hardest working women that I know and I admire her for that. She is the world's fastest typer, I think I get my skills from her. She is a big softy when it comes to our kitty, even though she says he's dumb most of the time. Thankfully, she has taught me everything she knows about cooking and cleaning, my husband will thank her one day for it. She's seen me at my absolute worst and she has seen my at my absolute best and has remained proud of me at any state of being that I am in. We've had our fair share of fights and yes, the majority of the time, she's been right. She's always been there to dry my tears. When she couldn't dry them, she cried with me. One of my favorite past times is driving and singing country music together. Whenever I smell cinnamon and pine cones, I think of her and how she's decorated our house for Christmas. There is no telling where I would be today without such a strong example and influence in my life. I love my mother more than anything on this planet and I can't even begin to explain how thankful I am to call her mine! I love you to the moon and back, mama! :)

DAD:

There is one guy that will have my heart forever(Alight, there's 2 if you count my brother), and it's this man right here! He's incredibly calm and loves peace and quiet. Often times, I'll walk into the living room and see him standing at the front window just looking outside. He's says it's much more interesting than staring at four walls all day. He is an incredibly hard worker. He is my personal ATM. I wouldn't be in college now if it weren't for his belief in me to succeed. He's incredibly educated and has degrees from many different schools. There's no way my family would even be existent without him and his constant support. He may not be my biological  father, but he might as well be. He loved and supported me like his own for as long as I can remember. For years and years, I wanted nothing to do with him, but he loved me regardless. After growing up and FINALLY realizing that he wasn't the bad guy in the situation, I had a complete change of heart. I've never been more rotten to a person in my life and I've never felt more awful about it after. If I could go back and change things, I would in a heart beat. But I am doing my best to make up for it now. He is the one that I miss the most when I am away at school. Often times, I'll get random e-mails from him wishing me luck on tests or interviews and they make my entire week. I don't tell him thank you enough, but THANK YOU dad! Thank you for being my dad, my example of a hard worker and for always being there to support me! I too, love you to the moon and back!

L O V E my cute parents! :) Also, while looking through these pictures, I noticed that my father is always on the left side and my mother is always on the right.... random coincidence...?? 

Until Next Time, "Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something." -- Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Addiction

First and foremost, this is my disclaimer. This is another one of those incredibly personal posts that if you don't care to read, I suggest you just close out of my blog right now :) Don't want you to waste your time! Some may ask why I post something that is as personal as this. My response to that would be, how is a person supposed to get help if no one knows they're in trouble....??

If you Google the word 'addiction', the first thing that comes up on the list of hits is the definition, which states 'the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity' But if you look further down, after the definition, the list of synonyms is 'dependency, dependence, habit, problem'. This blog post is about the habit and problem part of an addiction.

For many, many months, I have been struggling with an addiction in my life. Something that has become a habit and something that has become problematic to the way that I function, the way that I think, and the things that I say. At one point in the struggle, it interfered with my ability to hold a temple recommend and my ability to attend the temple. I justified my addiction by thinking, "At least I'm not committing that sin!" or "It could be worse!" and "It doesn't happen that often." I was lying so much to myself and everyone around me about my problem, that I was blind to how severe it actually had gotten. Eventually, I sought after y bishop's help and he helped me repent and get back on the right path. That seemed to work out great.... for a few months. Not too long after, I was back to my old ways.

It took the death of a family member and best friend for me to understand in full, the error of my ways. After hearing everything that was said about Landon and his own personal search for the Gospel and for Christ in his life, I realized how much that boy was in my life when I needed his example the most. I would get random texts or Facebook chat messages from him on the days that I was struggling the most. He told me over and over again how much he believed in me, how I was his hero and how much he loved and missed me, even though he knew nothing of my addiction. He was there, trying to help me the entire time I was struggling, and I couldn't see it past my own selfish sins.

Ever since Landon's passing, I vowed that I would stop indulging in my addictive habits and live my life the way I needed to in order to get my temple recommend back. I am slowly but surely working on my own personal repentance process and I am currently THIRTY FIVE DAYS ADDICTION FREE!!! I owe this and so much more to my Heavenly Father for placing Landon and I in the same family years and years ago! He knew that we would need each other one day for different reasons and that we'd be there to help each other along the way, regardless of how short our journey was together.

I miss that boy more than words can explain. A pain rips through my heart every time I hear or say his name. The tears still fall from time to time. But I will be eternally grateful to him and his love for me. I cannot wait until our Heavenly reunion one day, it will be the best day yet!

Until Next Time, " I cried when you passed away, I still cry today.
                            Although I loved you dearly, I couldn't make you stay.
                            A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest.
                 God broke my heart to prove to me that he only takes the best."