Inadequate

Most of the ideas for my blog posts come from random ideas that pop into my head throughout the day! This one, however, has come to me over and over again! One thing after another happened and now here I am blogging and venting about it!

I am so sick of feeling like the second choice. I honestly feel like I am not appreciated enough to be picked first! I am always a second choice, or worse, a last resort. 

I am so sick of feeling inadequate! I am sick of feeling like I am not good enough for anyone, both in my dating life (or lack thereof) and with my friends. 

I am sick of sitting by while my friends get date after date, guy after guy.

I am sick of being the shoulder to cry on, the listener for the venting and the advice giver! I think it's about my turn to be the one to cry, the one to vent, the one who receives advice.

I am so sick of seeing all of my friends getting engaged, married or having steady relationships! I can't help but think every single time, "WHEN THE HELL WILL IT BE MY TURN?!"

I am so sick of having to be the angel child all the time because my parent's are depending on it so much. They unknowingly have put so much pressure on me, I feel like I have to be a perfect child so they can concentrate on all the other kids rather than me.

Bottom line, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! I just want things to work out for me JUST ONE FREAKING TIME! Why can't I get what I want just this once? Don't I deserve to be happy...? What have I ever done to make it so I don't deserve the good things in life?! 

Bucket List Update 6 and 7

UPDATE #6

I crossed #5 off of my bucket list which was to break a bone! I know that's a strange thing to have on a bucket list but I always wanted to know what it was like! So sometime within the ten days between Marlee's birthday and my birthday, I broke my  foot. I was wearing my USU sweats that are WAY too long for me because they are men's size. I was jogging down the stairs to put my laundry in to dry and my pants decided to slide underneath my feet. I slipped on the leg and fell down the rest of the flight of stairs! I started laughing at how idiotic it was, got up and went about my business. I woke up the next day and it was pretty tender but didn't hurt enough for me to be too concerned about it. A week later, I was still walking on it but it still hurt, so I decided to get it looked at. I got it X-rayed and turns out, I busted it! The doctor put me in a boot for 6 weeks which meant a boot for my birthday and a boot for the HOWL... boo!

Incident #2... Yes, I broke two bones in one school year! Makes you wonder how I went 19 years without breaking one before! Anyway, my second one happened when I was playing volleyball. It was Valentine's Day and Shandee was home because her brother had just gotten home from his mission, so I went to our volleyball class solo. I was warming up with Andrew Bennett and Matthew Hedin, like usual. I went to set Matt's bump and felt a gnarly pain shoot through my hand! I thought "What the....?! He didn't even hit it that hard! There's no way I just jammed my finger!" I examined my pinky and it was way crooked, swelling and already bruising. I asked coach if she had medical tape and she told me she didn't.... So I decided to just play on it for the rest of class... I'm stupid, I know! I walked with Andrew, Matt and Josh Knowles out of class and they were looking at my finger. Josh decides to yank it back into place like you're supposed to when you have a jammed finger. Well, mine was broken at the time so naturally, yanking on it was going to hurt. I dropped to the ground with a yelp and was almost in tears! I went home and buddy taped it and just dealt with the pain. The next day, it was still very swollen and sore, which it shouldn't have been if it was popped back into place! So once again, I went to the doctor to have it X-Rayed. They developed my X-rays and tole me that I tore my ligaments off of  everything and that I chipped a piece of my bone off. They sent me and my X-rays to a hand specialist to see if I needed surgery on it. The Specialist put in in a finger splint that was to be worn at ALL times for at least 6 weeks... HARDEST THING EVER TO WRITE WITH! And now The top section of my pinky is forever bent because the ligament didn't reattach itself :)

This was the day after breaking it! You can see where it's bruised at the top as well as bruised on my knuckle!










Tiny piece of bone busted off

UPDATE #7

Crossed #59 off!

I've always wanted them but never bought them.... Smart, I know! So finally, I bought myself some colored jeans... and I LOVE THEM!! I bought a pair of red ones, blue ones, bright pink and then some normal black ones! I also bought a pair of mint green shorts! Yay Summer! :)

Shout Out To Pine View Apartments!

I honestly never thought it could happen.... I never in my life thought that I could experience a better year at USU than my freshman year. But alas, I have been proven wrong. My sophomore year at school was the best year that I have ever experienced in my life! I met some of the most incredible people, made some amazing memories and found some of the best friends a person could ask for! So here is my shout out to all of the wonderful people that have graced my life with their presence:

Jessica Williams: Jess, you are seriously so beautiful! I would always be jealous of the outfits that you would wear to church and think, "She's rockin' that outfit today!" Also, you and Brenna would always make me laugh no matter what you were doing... especially while playing volleyball together!

Matt Tenney, Caleb Adams and Wesley Richins:
Matt- You, my dear, are a doll! Molly is one lucky lady! Congratulations on your engagement and I wish you all the happiness in your marriage! Thanks so much for always saying hi and asking how I was while passing each other in the lobby! Caleb- Has anyone ever told you that you look like Johnny Bravo from Cartoon Network...?? Because that's who you remind me and my roommates of! I'm kinda bummed that we didn't get to know each other very well until the last few weeks of school but I am happy for the time we did get to hang out when we played volleyball and had game night upstairs! Oh, and you're a stud! Wesley: I know this might be a weird thing to start with, but I love your name! It's been one of my favorite names for as long as I can remember! You're adorable and way funny! I loved getting to know you a little better this year, even if it was only a few weeks before we all left. Aaaaand your sign during the game 'Signs' was my favorite one to pass!

Steph Harris: Steph, You are gorgeous! You are also a beast at volleyball! I don't know many people who can constantly make me laugh at every single thing they say, but you are one of them! I am glad I got to know you this last semester and I wish you all the best on your mission! You're going to rock it!

Paige Brown, Whitney Jenkins, Kaydee Jensen and Tenille Holmes:
Whit- Thanks for driving us all to Vernal and back :) Thanks for putting up with us in the back seat for 8 hours! Oh and thanks for introducing me to Les Mis, even if I didn't sit and watch it that one afternoon when there were LOADS of people in my apartment! I did eventually watch the entire thing and loved it! Paige- I'm really glad that I have someone else to laugh at Tenille with without being judged! Whether we're laughing  WITH her or laughing AT her, it's been a blast! Kaydee & Tenille-  I have to put the two of you together because it's weird to have you separate! You girls are fantastic! You're both gorgeous and I love listening to you two talk to each other! The things you say are so funny, I could sit and listen for hours! T, I don't know how your roommates handled you all year because of how hilarious you are! I definitely would have been in stitches the entire year! Thanks for being my friend ladies, you all are amazing!

Skyler Martinson, Riley Brown, Shaun McBride, Nathan Adams: You all are STUDS!

Josh Hancey & Josh Capener:
Capener- I loved when you would come into our apartment, even if you were looking for any or all of my other roommates! You are so stinkin' cute :) Oh and I don't think I ever asked, but how was the Slurpee you got before we went off roading? How many flavors did it have? 10, I think...??  Hancey- I really appreciate you not killing us when we almost rolled your truck.... scariest moment of my life! Oh, and thanks for keeping us safe when we decided to go camping at midnight... even though you were the one who terrified us in the first place!

Annie Knight, Cassie Haslam, Sara Mason, Jaci Judd:
You ladies are so fun and so beautiful! Cassie- seeing all of your posts on FB to Sara and Jaci crack me up! I sit and laugh out loud and the people around me think I'm crazy! Seriously soooo funny! Sara- You're really good at 4 Guys on a Couch! haha a lot of it is remembering who's who but somehow you always ended up on the couch and never moved!  Jaci- thanks for inviting me to game nights! I had so much fun and loved getting to know you and your roommates! I'm SOO glad that you'll be in Pine View again! Let's play more this upcoming school year! Annie- Girl, I adore you! I'm so glad we got to know each other a little bit this year! I have always been incredibly envious of your hair, it's fantastic! Thanks for listening to me go on and on about boys, you're the best!

Ellena Limb Fletcher: You, my dear, are beautiful! Congratulations again on your wedding, Max is one lucky guy!

Kohlton Nelson, Logan Leaming, Max Fletcher, Jared Campbell:
Kohlee- Your Insta is probably my favorite account that I follow! Your pictures crack me up and you have the cleverest hashtags! You're adorable and I'm glad you moved in at semester! Also, you have some killer dance moves! Mardi Gras was so fun! Logan- Logan, Logan, Logan....  I love you kid! I remember meeting you for the first time when our ward went to the Brigham temple open house and our room walked through with you and Max! Thanks for letting me come in and out of your apartment at will and for always letting me borrow your broom! You're not living too far away next year, so I expect to see you lots! Maxie- My favorite memory of you is probably the one of you checking out your own backside in the mirror at the temple! Do you remember that?! Marlee and I were walking behind you at the open house and we were stopped in front of a mirror for a minute or two. You turned around and were checking yourself out! Then you saw that Marlee and I noticed you doing it and you acted like it was on purpose, like you did it to make us laugh! hahaha oh my, so funny to me still! Anyway, thanks for being a friend Max! Good luck with the married life! I wish you all the happiness in the world! Jared- Seriously, SMALL WORLD STATUS! That night that Chase was talking about you to me will always make me laugh! "His name is Elder Campbell, his first name is Jared." "SHUT UP!! HE LIVES ACROSS THE HALL FROM ME!" Also, congratulations again on your transformation! Lookin' good my friend :)

Layni Leaming: You have some of the cutest outfits I have ever seen! Also, thanks for letting Shan and I tag along with you a little at Mardi Gras! It was great meeting you this year! :)

Heather Greene: You, my dear, are a doll! I loved getting to see you this year and to see what adorable outfit you had put together for that day!

Josh Knowles: Josh, I'm glad you decided to stay friends with me even after you saw how good I was at volleyball ;) And after seeing how ridiculous and childish I can be when Shan and I are together that early in the morning! haha No, but seriously, that class was the bomb! Don't be a stranger, keep in touch kid

Taylor Stosich: STO! Thanks so much for inviting us to that bonfire that you had! I think that night I talked to you more than I have the entire year... my bad! But I did miss seeing your cute face around my apartment!

Nathan Coonen, Andrew Coonen, Will Shugart:
NEIGHBORS!!!! Don't even deny it..... you miss hearing that being yelled across the hall when ya'll got back home from being out! I don't know why we didn't really hang out with you guys first semester, makes me sad thinking about it now :( Buuuuut, we are friends now, and that's what matters! Thanks for letting me, Shandee and Erin play Call of Duty (I think that's what we played...) You know we rocked it! Also, now I know NEVER to play ANY game on your guys' laptops unless I want to be freaked out of my mind! ;) I miss you guys terribly and I hope to see you around this next year!

Denise Simmons, Bradley Reynolds. Dakotah Holmes and Laci Reynolds:
Denise- CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement gorgeous girl! I wish you and Benjamin all the happiness in the world! I loved having you come visit Shandster and getting to know her best friend a little better! I'm sure we'll be seeing ya! Bradley & Kooter- I am SOOOO excited for the two of you to be moving to Logan and going to USU next year! You're going to have a blast, I know it! It was fun having kind of roommates again when you guys came and stayed on the concert weekend! I don't know what ya'll decided to do about housing, but I hope you chose Pine View and got in! If so, let the party begin! Laci- You. Are. Stunning. Seriously, every time I see a new picture on FB or Instagram, I get jealous all over again! You can rock any style or color of hair like nobody's business! I'm glad we got to meet and hang out a little when we came to visit Vernal!

Allen Abplanalp and Chelen Sheffield:
Allen Baby- Apartment Big Brother! I'm not quite sure how you feel about that title but that's what I would consider you! I'm really glad we got to have that long chat last time you were up at my apartment! You're such a great listener and you're even better at giving advice! Thanks for all of the laughs and memories! I'm sure I'll be seeing you! Chel- Good thing I knew almost every thing there was to know about you before I had even met you! Shandee would talk about you non-stop and it just made me that much more excited to finally get to meet you! The countdown for you to get home was torture; seemed like it took forever! But I'm glad you came and stayed with Allen for the weekend, even if you did hang Harry and Moo from the ceilings... punk! Also, thanks for showing us the ways of a Vernalite when we came and stayed that one weekend! You're great, Chel and like Allen, I'm sure I'll be seeing you as well!

Andi Barlow: Andi girl! I miss our volleyball class so much! I miss getting to chat with you in class and at softball. Ok, funny story! I had absolutely NO idea that you had gone on a mission until like the last month of school When Shandee told me, I didn't believe her! haha I was like shut up... she's an RM?! Anyway, glad we met!

Brendon Stagg & Nicholas Furch: 
Brendy Cakes- I MISS YOU AND NICHOLAS! Seriously, it's been way too long since I've seen you cute kids! I am grateful that you're such good friends with Nick so that I could meet and become friends with you. Even though you listen to weird ass music, I loved watching you and Nick dance around to it! That was entertaining! OH! and you guys still owe me for coming to pick you up from Wal-Mart at midnight! haha Love you kid! Hopefully I'll be seeing you soon! Nicholas- Nicholas, I am sooo glad you decided to call me that one night in like January.. February?  Whenever it was! I'm glad you convinced me to come down to Beto's to meet up with you and Brendon! I was honestly so terrified that it was going to be extremely awkward and uncomfortable when actually, it was like nothing had changed. We were still little 7th grade best friends! And then we hung out every single day for the next week because my roommates were all gone and I had no friends haha thanks for being there for that! Also, thanks for being such an incredible friend. If I needed to talk, vent, cry or laugh, I knew I could call you at any time of the night or day and you'd be there. I appreciate that so much! I love you Nicholas!

Andrew Bennett and Matt Hedin: 
Andrew- I will always and forever be proud of the moment when a member of the USU Spirit Squad pointed up at me and Shandee through the entire student section AND we saw it! haha that was a great game! Umm, I'm glad we had class together and I'm glad you came to our apartment to play card games! I hope you passed Interior Design so you can keep your scholarship and stay on the team! Let me know if you did! I hope I'll see you around campus next year! Mattie- You're probably one of the best volleyball players I've seen! I loved being on teams with you because you are way good but you also made it fun! I've thought you were cute since Day 1 of class, but seriously, who wouldn't?! You're a doll! I'm glad we became friends this year!

James Jeremy Maughan: Definitely had a little crush on you upon meeting you at Thanksgiving! But then you went and cuddled with my roommate the entire weekend.... sooo that killed that a little bit! haha but your family is seriously so incredible! I loved being invited to share the holiday with them because I love them dearly! Thanks for making me feel welcome and for watching Avengers with me :)

Jared Woodcox, Colton Critchlow, Jarod Jensen:
Jared- You sing beautifully! Honestly I could sit and listen to you play the guitar and sing all day! I love listening to your music when it comes on my iPod. Thanks for always inviting me to play volleyball, even if we didn't get along while playing. I think I've told you this story before, but my roommates and I would always talk about how adorable you were when you were teaching Sunday School! Shandee and I still love that you started speaking Spanish, mid-sentence! Love you Jare! Can't wait to see you again next school year!   Colt- I really appreciate your one liners! haha some of the things that come out of your mouth make me laugh so hard! And then you put you and Erin together and it's a riot! Also, I love that we share a love for Aaron Rogers and his team :) J-Rod- You are a freaking babe! But I don't have to tell you how hot you are, you already know ;) Thanks for all of our late night chats and letting me tattoo various parts of your body with ridiculous girly tattoos! Can't wait to see you at the end of the summer! Love you!

Colton Thompson: Colt, Colty, C-Bass... I adore you! I've definitely been crushing on you since about the middle of January! Ever since the first day of class I would talk to Shandee on the way home about how cute you are! I loved hanging out with you this past year and all of the fun times we had! From hot tubbing, Valentine's Treats and Taco Tuesday, to playing Would You Rather to basketball and softball games, I had a blast! Thanks for dealing with mine and Shan's ridiculousness in class... We get a little immature when we're together! Can't wait to see you again next year darlin'!

Mikey Jacobson: DAD!! I love you!! Thanks for all of the wonderful times we've had together and for introducing me to Ren and Stimpy.... weirdest show I've ever seen in my life! Also, thanks for my One Direction calendar for my birthday, you're the best! I loved all of the celebrations we had together as well as our family dinners. I'm terribly sorry that we didn't invite you to BWW that last time that we went when you had to come and get my key! Hope you can eventually forgive me one day for that! I'm so happy for you and Emi and your engagement! I can't wait to see you guys again at the wedding this Summer! I'll definitely be seeing you!

Chase Bradley- Chase dearest, I adore you! I'm so sad that you had to move away to a different state, but hey, I'll be seeing you again! Thanks for always being there for me to talk to, no matter what time of the day or night it is! Thanks for letting me crash your kitchen when I had loads of homework do to my bomb procrastination skills! And thanks to you, I know I'll always have a movie buddy! Love you!

Dallin Whiting: Dall! I'm just really thankful that you moved in at semester! I also regret not becoming such good friends with you until the year was almost over! Buuuuut, I love the time that we've had together so far! If someone were to ask me to explain my ideal friend, you would be the definition! I love having you around and hanging out with you.... even if you do make fun of me most of the time... punk!! I'm sooo happy you decided to come to Vernal with us and you were able to put up with us all weekend! I'm super bummed that you are living so far away from me next year but be prepared to have me over on a daily basis! My girls will all be gone so I'm going to need you! Can't wait to see you at the farewells we have this Summer! 'MERICA! I love you Dall Pal :)

Andy Biesinger, Trent Griffiths, Dylan Cahoon, Michael & Stephen Lewis, Jonathan Downing:
Andy- I don't know why it took so long for me to get to know you... I'm sorry about that! Quite honestly, I could sit and listen to you and Dylan yell at each other all day! SOO freaking funny! Trent- You are adorable! I'm glad I got to hang out in your apartment this past year and got to know you a little bit better! Good luck on your mission dear, you're going to rock it! Dylan- I think we've talked about this before, but I'm sorry you and your roommates thought we hated you guys!! You were SO loud all the time and we would get annoyed, yes! But that didn't mean we hated you.... We just didn't really talk! Anyway, I'm glad we finally became friends! I loved when you would randomly pop into my apartment to say hi! OH! And I LOVE your Tom Brewer voice, even if none of my other roommates do! I could listen to it all day and still laugh just as hard as the first time! Hope you're having a blast in Oklahoma with the brothers! Can't wait to see you again next year! Stephen- You are so stinking cute! Seriously, you Lewis brothers have some dang good genes running through your family! I'm glad you decided to come feed the ducks with me and the roomies! Oh and you're really good at gymnastics, especially the beam ;) If you don't know what I'm meaning by this or don't remember, I'll be way sad! Thanks for being a friend stud!  Jonathan- I know Shan and I have told you this before, but I will always laugh about that first ward prayer back from Christmas break! How we both commented on how cute we thought you were and how we wondered if you just moved in or not! Then Logan asked if you guys would introduce your room and we found out your name was Jonathan, the same as Shandee's ex! hahaha good memory for sure! But I honestly don't think I've met someone as sweet as you! You're always to kind and smiley to everyone! Also, I don't think I've ever met someone who studies as much as you, especially as a FRESHMAN! I loved meeting and playing with your bunny! And no worries, I've washed my blanket... it's now bunny pee free! Can't wait to see you again as well! Love you kid! Michael- Ok Michael babe.... are you ready for a pretty big confession...? I've had a crush on you since you moved in upstairs! The only people I told about it were my roommates and Annie Knight! I didn't want Emi finding out because you dated her and that might have gotten a little awkward, but hey, she's engaged now! So now it doesn't matter, right? Right! Aside from crushing, I loved hanging out with you this year! You're so flirty and fun to be around! You definitely know how to make me laugh and I love it! Thanks for all the fun times that we've had together! I'm looking forward to making so many more memories this next school year! Hope you're having fun in Oklahoma, workin' hard! Love you bunches! :)

And last but not least, my AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, FABULOUS, WONDERFUL, MAGNIFICENT, ADORABLE, HILARIOUS, STUNNING ROOMMATES!! I honestly don't know how I got so lucky but I was blessed with the world's best roommates! I love them all so much and I can't imagine what my sophomore year would have been like without them! I consider them my sisters and very best, lifelong friends! Ladies, I love you with my whole heart!

Emi Soon To Be Jacobson: I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO GET MARRIED!! I am literally giddy with excitement every time I think about your wedding! I love you so freaking much Em! I am so glad we were placed in the same apartment together! I LOVE listening to you when you're on your computer looking at the humor boards on Pinterest! I could sit and laugh at  you laughing at the computer all day! You can make me laugh harder than I've laughed before! Oh and thanks for introducing me to wonderful things such as Anchorman, Bride's Maids and Ren & Stimpy :) Can't wait to see you again, I love you!

Mia Baby: You are seriously the cutest thing ever! I love your giggle and how innocent you are! I am SO glad that you had to move at semester and you got placed with us! I honestly don't know how you function without sleeping, but seems to be working for you! Your random napping during the day would crack me up because we all would end up napping instead of doing anything productive, like homework! Mia, you're going to ROCK it in Portugal and I am sooo excited for you to serve! I'll miss you like crazy and you best believe I'm going to write you ALL the time and send you some bomb packages! I love and miss you so much my dear!

Cutie Erin: Boo, I don't know what I would have done this year without you! I shared so many secrets and stories with you! I came to you with all my problems and you helped me work through all of them! You've been there for me through all my tears, all my smiles, all my ups and all my downs! You always give the best advice and I loved talking to you about anything and everything because I know you'd genuinely listen to what I had to say! I love sitting on the couch for six hours straight with you doing absolutely nothing but watching Youtube videos and drinking juice barrels. I loved cuddling with you in the back of Josh's pick up truck! I loved driving all the way to Nibley just to get TruMoo's and cheap gas! I loved all of our late night road trips to the hospital in Brigham and to Ogden to take Mia to her sister! Thank you for introducing me to Mendon's May Day! It was way fun! I can't wait to see you again at your farewell and hopefully other times throughout this summer! I love you boo!

Shan: Shan, I love you so stinkin' much! I love that we have all these crazy and potentially awkward connections! When you added me on FB last summer and I saw your picture again, I panicked! So many thoughts went through my head like, "Will she even like me? Does she know I'm friends with Tara? Does she even know about Tara and Colby? Is she really a mean girl or is she actually way chill?" But I'm glad we came into the friendship without any preconceived notions about each other! Because I love the person that I got to know! I loved third wheeling it with you and Jon because even though it ended, I feel like it made the two of us that much closer as well! I loved hearing about all your Vernal stories and then meeting all the people from those stories! You have some pretty fantastic friends and a truly amazing family! I loved playing the first snowfall of the year with you. I loved having class with you so we could chat on the way home! I loved all of our late night McDonald's runs and playing volleyball with the boys at Oakridge! I am crying while typing this because I miss you and my other roomies so much, but I can't wait to see you all again! I love you so much Shandee girl! :)

Until Next Time, "“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” -- A. A. Milne

5 Things

This is a totally random post that has nothing to do with anything. Nothing happened to me recently that made this idea for a post pop into my head, it just came out of nowhere. But this is a list of the top 5 biggest truths about me and my life:

1. There aren't many things in this world that I am legitimately terrified of; I could probably count them all on one hand. But one of my biggest fears on the Earth, however lame it may sound, is CLOWNS!! To this very day, I couldn't tell you why or what caused this fear, but I am terrified of them. At carnivals, I avoid them at ALL COSTS! In haunted houses, I close my eyes when they're around, run and usually scream until they are gone. Their huge shoes/feet, their creepy eyes and make-up and their mismatched clothes.... TERR-I-FIED!!!
Why yes, yes I am!! Also.... I may or may not have been crying while googling images for this post.... :(



2. I have an incredibly huge irrational fear that I will never get married. I know, I know.... "I'm only 20! I have a whole life ahead of me. I have plenty of time for that." But those totally cliche words are not a comfort to me! Thinking about planning a wedding causes me tremendous anxiety because I fear that I will never get to plan one. Maybe it's because I am terribly far behind the average person my age. I have never been in a relationship, never experienced the dating world, never had a boyfriend, nothing. I've kissed two boys and that doesn't even come close to qualifying as a relationship. I am extremely naive when it comes to relationships and am completely inexperienced, which is most likely causing all this fear about marriage. I feel like it's never going to happen for me.

3. One of my biggest downfalls is that I have an immense need for companionship. Not necessarily a romantic relationship or a boyfriend (obviously) but my need for people to be around me at almost all times! I can be perfectly content with absolutely no conversation going on, as long as I am with people. I can sit for hours and hours, just listening to others have a conversation, as long as I am present in the room. It's been a problem this past school year for sure! I cannot physically get myself to get into bed and fall asleep if I know there are people out talking or watching a movie in my living room. I would stay up until all hours of the night, until everyone had left, before my body would let myself sleep. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's a curse of mine.

Like I said.... doing absolutely nothing... I just loved having them there!! :)


4. Number three kind of goes along with my number four. Number four is that my friends and family are my absolute life. I know it sounds SUUUUUPER cliche but it's true. I have found some of the absolute best friends a girl could ask for. They have gotten me through absolutely everything this life could throw at a person and more! I have also been INCREDIBLY blessed to have the family that I do! My aunts, uncles and cousins are loud and obnoxious and crude and annoying and impolite... and I LOVE every minute of it! They are my family and I adore them and all of their flaws. I have the world's best parents who I wouldn't change for the world. My mother and father are the two best things that could have ever happened to me. I owe them everything and more! I am so in love with my family, it's ridiculous.

5. And last but not least, is my incredibly high expectations for my husband.... poor thing!! Through everything that has happened to me in my life with my biological father, I have made up my mind about the kind of man I want my children to call their dad, and I will not settle for anything less. I expect him to love not only me for eternity, but to absolutely adore our children. Growing up without a dad is one of the hardest things a child can be put through and I WILL NOT let my children experience what I have. I love them too incredibly much already to even think about it in the slightest. So I yes, my expectations are sky high for my husband, but I can promise him that it will be worth it! :)

Until Next Time, "All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point it to discover them."

So There Was This Boy....

There once was this boy. I met him when I was in 8th grade through a mutual friend that we both had. It didn't take long at all for the two of us to become instant friends and shortly after that, I called him my best friend. He was there for me through absolutely everything. If we weren't together then we were texting each other, if we weren't texting each other, we were usually on our way to hang out at a mutual friend's house. He was there for me whenever I needed to vent, when I needed to cry, when I wanted to share great news or when I just wanted to see him. He listened to all of the stupid high school drama that I had in my life and he talked to me about girls. I literally loved this boy like he was my own brother. I trusted him with my life and every single detail that came with it.

Our friendship was going wonderfully until the first few months of my senior year.  Honestly, to this very day even, I couldn't pinpoint the exact time that it started to fall apart or why, but I do know that it was long and painful and was caused by a mix of DOZENS of things! There was A LOT of miss communication, rumors floating from different sets of friends and loads of other things that can affect a friendship. Eventually, it got down to us not even acknowledging each other's presence. If you were to see the two of us on any given day, you NEVER EVER would have guessed the past that we had together. He said things that were awful and hurtful, as did I. We fought, hated, glared and everything else you can think of. The rest of my senior year was spent without him.

Many, Many months later, he texted me and asked if we could talk. I wasn't too keen on the idea because I had erased him from everything in my life, and I mean EVERYTHING. I deleted him from facebook, my phone, took down all our pictures together, untagged myself from all our pictures together on FB, everything! I just figured it would be easier that way to accept that we weren't friends anymore. I told him that I had a pretty busy weekend but I'd let him know if I had some time. In April of that year, my sister and I changed our cell phone service so we got completely new phones, numbers and providers. We received our phones in the mail and I activated mine immediately. While I was on the phone with my old provider to tell them that I wanted to cancel our account, I got a text message. I hung up the phone and looked at the text and it was him, asking if he could come over. I thought to myself "Good hell, that was perfect timing!" and said that it was fine to come over. We sat on my front porch and talked for a good hour and a half. Ok, there were definitely more tears (from me) and awkward silences (from both of us) than there was talking but he did talk some of it out. Eventually, he had to leave. He said he was sorry, hugged me and I haven't seen him since.

I would be lying to myself if I said I don't ever think about when we were friends. I would still be lying to myself if I said that I don't miss him from time to time. If I had the choice, however, I would NEVER go back and change what happened. Yeah, it hurt like HELL and there were a lot of tears shed on my part over the whole situation but he definitely taught me a few lessons. When he left me, it completely ruined my trust for the longest time, which has definitely affected me up here at school. Making new friends TERRIFIES me because in the back of my mind I sit and think, "Ok... so when is she going to leave?" Or "How long will he stick around?" It's taken me an extremely long time to get to where I am now! Yes, I am still a work in progress but I'm a lot farther than where I used to be!
One of the things he said to me has stuck with me since then. It's irrelevant what he said (mainly because it was heartbreaking and cut me incredibly deep) but it made me take a step back and look at my life. It made me realize the qualities that I want in my friend's and how I deserve to have people love and appreciate me the way that I am. Through him, I have come to learn that it's not about the quantity of friends as opposed to the quality of them! Thanks to him, I have found some of the world's best friends who I would willingly give my life for! They are my everything and I honestly would be so lost without them!

I don't know if you will ever read this or if we will ever speak again, but I just want you to know that I hope you are truly happy with your life. I honestly hope that football has been going wonderfully for you, you are such an amazing player! I wish you all the happiness this world has to offer. I hope that someday we can speak again or maybe even be friends again. I have absolutely no hard feelings toward you anymore and I hope that that can be reciprocated toward me! Good luck with everything and here's to your future :)

The whole purpose of this post is all due to my New Year's Resolution.... I made it my goal to get rid of all the negative or hurtful influences or memories. I resolved to get rid of all the sadness that I possibly could so I could live my life the way I want to, full of happiness. I can honestly say now, that I am truly happy. I have gotten this off my chest and I will let whatever happens because of it, happen :) Come what may and LOVE it!

MAJOR People Update

Since my last post was all about WHAT I have been doing, I figured I would update everyone on WHO I did all these things with!

Allen: I've talked about Allen LOADS of times before, both my mouth and through typing about him! Al is Shandee's older brother's best friend and basically our apartment big brother/best friend! We all LOOOVE when he comes up for a visit :)

Kohlee: Kohlee now lives across the hall from me! He moved in to Logan and Max's apartment when their other roommates moved out at semester. He is hilarious and I love when he randomly pops into our apartment to see what we all are doing. He is always playing FIFA when we go over to his apartment to visit and he loves blonde Leslie's from Sean Lowe's season of the Bachelor!

Andrew Bennett & Matt Hedin: Shandee and I are in the same volleyball class this year on Tuesdays and Thursdays! And I absolutely love it! I love volleyball and I love having class with my beautiful roommate. Andrew and Matt are in that class with us and they are wonderful! Andrew is on the USU spirit squad as a yell leader and Matt is his best friend. We've had class with them since January but have only just recently started hanging out.... but I'm loving every minute of it!

Colton Thompson: Colty is also in mine and Shandee's volleyball class! The first time we hung out, my roommates and I picked him up and we went to Taco Tuesday at Cafe Rio. Later that week we went to one of his basketball games and then back to his house for a game night after. He's been over to our house a few times to hang out, which is always fun! He is so stinkin' cute and I adore him! Such a stud :)

Tanner Burnside: Dr. TanTan Baby Seuss is my beautiful roommate Erin's best friend. He came up about a week ago to hang out with us and some other friends since he is leaving on his mission soon! He taught me how to tie a tie and we went to Kneaders for lunch for my very first time. He is adorable and his ties smell good :)

Dallin, J-Rod, Jared, Wilson, Colton, and Julian: I was introduced to all of these handsome, wonderful guys by my new roomie, Moriah baby! She used to live over by them last semester before she moved into our apartment so she was friends with all of them. We're in and out of each other's apartment's all the time and we're usually doing things together. They too, are all adorable and attractive and all that good stuff :) They're great!

Michael, Stephen, Jonathan, and Dylan: These boys live in the apartment above us... and we always know when they're home! They are extremely loud until about two or three in the morning... but hey, gotta love it! Jonathan is really great at sitting at our kitchen table and watching weird/random YouTube videos with us, what a champ.... seriously, freaking cutie! He also has a pet bunny that he is bringing up during finals week. Shandee and I are super stoked about this! :)

Josh and Josh: Quite honestly, I don't know much about these boys... I know that they're in my ward, they live in Moriah's old apartment and they were the ones that took up off-roading and almost killed us!

And that is the people update in my life :)

Until Next Time, "“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” 
― Maya Angelou

MAJOR Event Update

Here is the post that I wrote about last time; the one I said would be coming soon.... let's start back in November when I last posted...

November: I didn't get to go home for Thanksgiving break because I had to work my first Black Friday at Famous. So my good friend, Jonathan Maughan, invited me to his house to spend Thanksgiving with all of his huge family!! It was definitely one of the most fun days I've had in forever! Jonathan's family is incredible and he has the absolute cutest nieces and nephews on this planet!

December: I went home for the two weeks before Christmas and worked at the Famous there. I came back on the 28th and worked at my Famous in Logan until school started again... It was TERRIBLE!! My roommates were all gone and I was ridiculously bored ALL WEEK!! Missed them like crazy!!

And now on to 2013 :)

January: I spent New Year's Eve with Jonathan and the Bradley brother's, Mason, Jaden and Chase. At one point in the night, we went and saw the movie 'Parental Guidance'. So stinkin' cute!! I highly recommend seeing it if you haven't! I also beat Jonathan and Mason at Poker... beginner's luck!
My new roommate Moriah moved in to Kate's old room... she is absolutely wonderful and I adore her!
I also reunited with a childhood friend of mine, Nicholas Furch! The last time I saw him was 7th grade, so it was good seeing him again! I also met his roommate and best friend Brendon... love those boys!
Other January highlights include:
-- Allen came to visit and I went country swing dancing for the first time with him, Shandee girl, Moriah baby and Erin Meeshell!
-- Went to Applespice with my girl Em! I absolutely love her and Applespice is delicious!!
-- Went to dinner with my best friend and she told me all about her new fiance and asked me to be a bridesmaid!
-- Went to one of my best friend's farewell! I love Elder Hayter!
-- Went to Taco Tuesday with my beautiful roommates and the handsome Colton Thompson!
-- Ran the clock and score board at Logan and Kohlee's church ball game
-- Had weekly Bachelor parties at Logan and Max's apartment on Monday nights
-- Erin and I helped Allen surprise Shandee
-- Ate at Texas Roadhouse

February Highlights:
-- MY ITOUCH CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I absolutely love it!!
-- Went hot tubbing at Colty's with the roomies
-- Went to a few of Colt's basketball games
-- Went to my Grandma and Grandpa's 50th Wedding Anniversary party
-- MARDI GRAS party with Shandee and Moriah!! Met up with Logan's apartment and some other people from our ward. Also ran in to Andrew, Matt and Colt at the dance!
-- Game night at Colty's house!
-- Mikey Boy made chicken and pancakes for family Sunday dinner
-- Went to a fireside at the Spectrum
-- Had a progressive dinner for FHE
-- Elder Chelen Sheffield came home from his mission in Germany!!
-- Went on a lady date with Erin Meeshell- We went and saw Safe Haven and then backed into an Audi A4 :)
-- Went to Olive Garden with Allen and Shandee girl
-- I missed my best friend's mission farewell do to a crazy snow storm! Sorry Elder Segura!!
-- Played Super Smash Bros. with J-Rod, Dallin, Wilson and Jared.... and DOMINATED!! ;)
-- ERIN GOT HER MISSION CALL-- CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA!!
-- Played 20 Questions/ Would You Rather with Colt, Shandee, Moriah, Erin, Mikey and Emi
-- Erin's best friend Tanner Burnside came up to visit-- he taught me to tie a tie
-- Went to Kneaders for the first time with Erin, Moriah and Tanner

March Highlights (Thus Far):
-- March 3rd was just a REALLY good Sunday for me!! I loved the lessons, I love testimony meeting... even bore my testimony! First time in a LOOOONG  time!!
-- Went on my first date with Nicholas!!
-- Went to Brother Morales' house for FHE with Dallin and Moriah! Totally dominated Wes and Dallin in Mancala!
-- One of my best friend's entered the MTC to learn Spanish
-- Had arm wrestle wars with Michael and Stephen Lewis from upstairs... I rocked them ;)
-- Went to the USU vs. Texas State game with Dallin, Moriah and Shandee. Aggies crushed it!
-- Andrew and Matt have come over multiple times... Good kids!
--  Went off roading with the Josh's, Erin and Shandee.... flew off the trail... almost flipped the truck... was scared for my life... yolo :)

And that, my friends, is what I have been up to the last few months! I now have the blogger app on my iPod so hopefully I can start updating regularly!! :)|

Until Next Time, "Time is the longest distance between two places."

Bucket List Update #6

Ok kids.... I now have the blogger app on my iPod so hopefully it won't be sooooooooooooooooooooo lllllllllllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg between posts!! An update post is coming later but for now.... I crossed #34 off of my bucket list!

I went on a date :) Thanks for the food Nicholas!!